Febloguary Day 9 (Leaning Trees)

My precious grandparents still live in the house they built in 1959.  I love that house and the neighborhood where it sits.  Because the homes are well established, that means that as you drive through the area you see streams of light breaking though the canopy of mammoth oak trees lining the streets.  This is one element that is lame to me about living in a newer neighborhood; a single 5 year old Bradford Pear per lot doesn't do much for my tree loving self.  

Recently as I cruised through the neighborhood taking Lizzie to her knitting lesson with Granny (I know, awesome, right?!), something caught my eye.  There was a giant oak tree with two large pieces of rope attached to it and staked into the ground, pulling it back toward the house. There also were two raw cuts, at least a foot in diameter, on the trunk facing the street.  The tree looked awkward and out of place compared to its fine looking neighbors standing straight and tall around it.  

You see, the reason for all of those crazy interventions was a 50+ year old tree leaning significantly out into the street.  Every possible measure was being taken so as not to have to chop down the leaning tree.

The Lord immediately gave me a parallel to parenting and disciplining my children.  Had the tree's leaning problem been detected early on, the interventions would have been far less drastic and much more effective. This is why we guide our children in righteousness early on.  The older they get and the longer they linger in patterns of sin, the more painful it is to alter these behaviors.  Ultimately, behavior modification is NOT our goal.  The deepest desire of the hearts of parents who follow after Christ is that the Holy Spirit would pursue our children and that they would be brought into the family of believers.  While this is our hope, it would be foolish to hold off setting expectations and asking obedience of our children until this day.  Rather, in our home, we treat our children like members of the Body of Christ.  

We expect our girls to love God and love people. (Matthew 22:36-39  “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?”  And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.)  

We expect our girls to honor and trust Mommy and Daddy. (Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),  “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.)  

We expect our girls to be kind and to extend grace and forgiveness. (Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.)  

We expect our girls to work hard and do their best. (Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.)    

We expect our girls to be humble servants. (Philippians 2:3-11 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 

We expect our girls to seek God and be teachable. (Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Psalm 143:10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!)  

This list is basic, but it covers pretty much everything.  Guess what?  Our girls fail.  They don't measure up to any of these expectations.  Guess what?  Neither do I!  The Bible tells us that The Law acts as a tutor to show us our inability to measure up and our need for a Savior.  Our expectations of our girls serve them well as they learn  that they are not perfect and that as hard as they try, they will never get there.  These expectations also provide us beautiful opportunities to teach our girls how to confess their sin, apologize completely, ask for forgiveness and receive forgiveness.  

We have created an environment in our home where it is okay to mess up, but you are expected to own up to your mistakes.  In the past year we began expecting a full apology from one another.  This means, "I am sorry for ________.  I should have _______. or Next time I will ______.  Do you forgive me?"  These additions to "I'm sorry" have been huge for our crew, as it requires some thought and consideration.  It is a challenge and often adds several minutes to resolving a situation, but it does provide real reconciliation as opposed to the fabricated peace that we were practicing.  Justin and I have followed suit, and this has brought growth in us as well!  It is never our intention to sin against our girls, but we do.  The habit of coming to them and apologizing fully and receiving forgiveness from them is humbling.  Our girls are so quick to forgive.  I learn from them.  

When we have to deal with a discipline situation, our goal is always to point our little ladies to Jesus.  We wholeheartedly agree that "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11)  It is not fun to spend time addressing your child's improper behavior, but it is so sweet to hug them close and pray with them afterward.  It is also beautiful to see God changing their hearts and drawing them to Himself.  It is all part of a process that requires of Justin and me to constantly rely on God and trust that He is the One who changes hearts and He loves our girls more than we could ever imagine.  

Ephesians 6:4 says Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  Justin takes this command seriously, and I am thankful to walk alongside him in this task.  Though this discipline is not fun for our girls right now, we trust that it is producing a harvest of righteousness.  We serve our children well by pruning areas of disobedience while they are young.  Otherwise, they grow up in patterns of sinfulness that when addressed at an older age are much more painful and require far greater interventions.  Like the leaning tree that necessitated the painful removal of large branches, leaving ugly visible scars on its trunk, so is the person who grows up without discipline.  Our hope is that the training of our children's youth would produce godly women who know their need for Jesus and walk uprightly in his commands, confessing their sins, trusting the life giving blood of Jesus for their forgiveness and sharing that love among the nations.  We desire "that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified." (Isaiah 61:3)