He Has Carried Them...

These girls amaze me!

Thankful for this amazing man who leads our family well!

We took CJ a pinwheel today.  

Lovie Bear and Charlie's "sissy kisses" lovie got to got to the cemetery too.

It is such a privilege to be the mommy of ALL of my girls! 

(yes, I know...Liv needs some neck strengthening before wearing a bow of this magnitude:)

Two years ago, my biggest fear was for Lizzie and Lainie.  I knew that Justin and I would be ok.  We were hurting, but we knew God would carry us.  We could embrace Truth.  My girls, however, were 3and a half and 20 months, how could they possibly understand?

I still remember sitting at the doughnut shop and telling Lizzie that Charlotte would not be coming home to our house.  Lizzie, with tears in her eyes said, "Never?!"  I lost it.  With Lizzie in my lap, she and I both wept.  Our hearts ached together for the baby that we longed for!  Lainie then proceeded to pick up her entire sprinkle doughnut with her teeth and get a good laugh out of us all.  Whew, just what we needed!  Tears accompanied by laughter.

This spectrum of emotions has been felt in our home over the past two years.  Just as God has tenderly carried Justin and me, he has carried my girls through moments of deep sorrow coupled with moments of refreshing hope.  This is an area where I have had to let go.  I want to be  in control of Elizabeth and Elaine's hearts, but I'm not. Only God works on hearts.  I want to protect my sweet girls, but I can't.  Only God can protect.  I want to control my girls' little worlds, but I am unable.  Only God is in control!  Instead of providing a world where everything is always perfect and we pretend that our hearts don't hurt, my role is to guide my girls in Truth, pray for them, walk in a manner that points them to Jesus, and to entrust them to our faithful God.  This is so hard for me, but over the past two years I have seen how near the Father has been to my Lizzie and Lainie.  He has proven himself so faithful!  He is chasing after their hearts, and I have the privilege of seeing it.  Oh I cannot wait for the days when their hearts are captured by His pursuit! 

The talk about Heaven in our home is frequent.  God is weaving a precious eternal perspective into the fabric of our family.  We are learning to hold things very loosely, knowing that this life is NOT the end!  We have HOPE!!! Our girls speak about Charlotte and Hope being with Jesus often.  Death has lost its sting!  Last night we talked about Charlotte's home in Heaven and our future home with Jesus!  We sang O Glorious Day and danced and laughed and rejoiced!  Lizzie asked how we can be sure this is real, referring to the words of the song.  We pointed her to the Bible and God's promises about eternity.  I pray that God will write His Word on her heart as Truth that is far better than a fairy tale.

Though the past two years have been painful and never what we would have chosen for our family, our good God has been magnified in the way he has carried Elizabeth Grace and Elaine Karis.  I anticipate God using their stories, including Charlotte's life and death, in precious ways to further His Kingdom here on earth.  My faith has been strengthened beyond measure because of the manner in which God has tended to the specific needs of my sweet girls.  He is true to His promises.  He has carried them,