Febloguary 2015 Post 1- How are You?

I'm back!  I had hoped that after the fun of Febloguary 2014, I would be more committed to writing more frequently.  Here's the reality though, LIFE.  It happens, and it is full, and I have to sleep sometimes.  However, I am committed to losing sleep in the month of February to post more and scratch my writing itch.  My goal is ten blogs this month.  Here is what you can expect, in no particular order:

1. How are you?
2. TEN years!
3. Lizzie Grace
4. Lainie Karis
5. Charlotte Jane
6. Olivia Rae
7. Daddy
8. Life in Rhome
9. Sending Well
10. Church

Uh oh... as I typed that list, a whole slew of other topics I want to write about came up.  Maybe you will get a bonus post or two, and maybe just maybe we will stretch into March, since I am kinda getting a late start!

Today, I want to answer the question I get so often, "How are you?!"  It is a rather simple question that I so appreciate people asking.  It has a variety of answers I have banked, depending on the situation.  Since time is not limited here, and I hope to be vulnerable, I will do my best to give you a full on "State of My Heart" address.

After losing Momma at the age of 30, I was certain that 31 would be way better.  As most of you know, we were shocked at Daddy's sudden death in September.  So much for 31 being easier, or more peaceful, or less stressful, or any of that.  I have certainly been slapped around by life in the past several months!

Recently I was driving and praying about a specific situation that has just been all around hard.  I found myself asking God to make it easy, like it used to be.  Then I clearly heard Him remind me that He rarely accomplishes great things through ease or comfort.  He swirled story after story through my head of Him moving mountains, all of which included great struggle, heartache, brokenness and pain. The culmination of these stories was the crucifixion.  My salvation was not secured by a painless life of Jesus.  Rather, it was through His pain and suffering and His passionate choice to take the hard road of death on the cross that LIFE is extended to mankind.  When we engage in the complicated situations that come our way and commit to stay in the fight rather than running, God is honored.  It is also in these places I find myself begging for MORE of Him and pleading for His wisdom in exchange for my feeble attempts of resolve.

All of that to say, here is where I find myself.  The shock of Daddy's passing has still not worn off.  He is still a speed dial option on my phone, I still think he will walk around the corner at Granny's house, I expect him to show up at the girls' activities, I have a list of questions that I want to ask him and stories I want to tell him.  It is crazy.  It is hard.  It still hurts. A LOT.  BUT, GOD IS STILL GOOD.  Here in the ugly cries and the dark days and the heartbreak, I see more of His goodness than ever.  {All of this was written before I watched Jen Hatmaker this weekend at the IF:gathering.}  She so clearly stated what Justin and I have so often said. "You want it to be true in the day (God's goodness), but you find out if it's true in the night. He is good.  I would venture to say He is even better when it's bad. He's so good."  This is so true.

The reality is, IT IS HARD.  The reality is also, IT IS GOOD.  They go hand in hand.  Don't try to wrap your mind around it, because I do believe it is one of those things that only works out in God's economy.  It just doesn't make sense that here I stand, having lost greatly in the past five years, proclaiming the kindness of my God, but I promise you, after all that has been lost, the great gain of knowing His kindness more intimately WINS.  It is well with my soul.