After 10 Months

Charlotte Jane would have been ten months old had she been here to celebrate Christmas with our family this year; instead she celebrated face to face with Jesus! Oh we missed our girl terribly, but there was a sweet peace and great comfort for our family this season. Thank you for the many reminders that you were praying for us this month, as it was especially tough.

The moments that I suspected to be hard actually weren't compared to the little things that hit me unexpectedly and brought forth very raw emotional responses. As our family of four stood in the front row at CityView on Christmas Eve singing about our newborn King, I lost it. I didn't want it to just be the four of us. I wanted Charlotte on my hip cooing to Jesus the way 10 month olds do. However, I sang without her in my arms but with great Hope within that because of our Savior's birth, singing Christmas carols with the Body of Christ is but a reflection of eternity! O Glorious Day!

At the cemetery this month it was an absolutely gorgeous day! Justin and the girls couldn't help themselves and had to have races in the sunshine. Although this is probably not proper etiquette, I think it honored Charlotte's life. The freedom in their laughter and the joy in their footsteps was just what this momma needed. Again the theme of Hope has been carried out through Elizabeth and Elaine. If you could hear the songs that Elizabeth makes up, they are precious and always about how good and everlasting and trustworthy our God is. Lizzie sweetly was counting members of our family recently and told me that I am the mommy of four children. She named off herself, Elaine, Charlotte and Hope. I am glad we haven't tried to hide anything from Elizabeth, God is pursuing her four year old heart. Elaine, my love, is constantly pointing out pictures of Charlotte and bringing to mind her things; she is always quick to say, "and Charlotte is with Jesus." I am glad we haven't hidden anything from Elaine; God is pursuing her two year old heart.

December has been hard. 2010 has been hard. I have grieved a lot this month especially over the emptiness I have without Charlotte. More than that though, I have grieved over the brokenness of this world. I have been face to face this year with trials of my own, struggles of friends, and challenges of family members. I want so badly to put a bookend on 2010 and say, "I'm DONE with you! Bring me the ease of 2011!" However, I know all too well that is not the life to which I or any other follower of Jesus has been called. I am thankful for the intense longing that 2010 has left with me to shout out with great anticipation, "Come LORD Jesus, Come!" My prayer is that whatever the next years of my life hold, may I maintain that desire to see Jesus face to face while redeeming the time He has given me here as His ambassador. It is a privilege to be His.

Giving Thanks

While this year has been rough to say the least, thankfulness still abounds in my heart. It was good to have a season where it was on the forefront of my mind; God is gracious and good to an undeserving people. For that I am thankful. My perspective, after reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper, has shifted. Thankfulness flows when your grasp that "for redeemed sinners, every good thing-indeed every bad thing that God turns for good-was obtained for us by the cross of Christ. Apart from the death of Christ, sinners get nothing but judgment. Apart from the cross of Christ, there is only condemnation. Therefore everything that you enjoy in Christ-as a Christian, as a person who trusts Christ-is owing to the death of Christ. And all your rejoicing in all things should therefore be a rejoicing in the cross where all your blessings were purchased for you at the cost of the death of the Son of God, Jesus Christ." Thank you Jesus for buying it ALL with your blood!

This year for Thanksgiving we took the month of November and memorized Psalm 100 together. The girls did a great job with it!

These leaves hung throughout our home listing the many things we have to be thankful for:)

Lizzie's Thanksgiving Feast at school was fun! Chicken Express for all!

Look at that pretty turkey head!!

The weather kept us away from our usual Turkey Trot, instead Hungry Hungry Hippos and...

Pioneer Woman Cinnamon Rolls... YUMMO!

Here are the girls saying their verse... too cute!

My sweet family:)

Cousins! Amoriyah was a great participant in the fun of Thanksgiving:)

LEAVES are the best part of Thanksgiving as far as my girls are concerned! My Aunt and Uncle live on acreage with an abundance of oak trees. The tradition has become to rake up the leaves and then have races into the piles... Marin and Lizzie are special sweet cousins and friends! I only wish The Woodlands wasn't so far away!

I don't think this smile came off of Lizzie's face the whole afternoon!

Lainie joined in on the action!

Who needs toys?!

Too many cameras!

These kiddos slept like champs that night!

Leaf Ladies!

Precious Memories Made!

After 9 Months

Oh my, it is crazy to think back and realize that it has been 9 months since we held our Charlotte Jane! We miss her like crazy, and even more so lately as we have also mourned the loss of another baby. It was very fitting that Justin was able to preach Romans 8 on Sunday at CityView regarding suffering. Well done babe! (I'll let you know when it is posted, so you can listen!)

I think the biggest thing that I want to be known to all is that we are NOT strong people! If not for the strength of the Holy Spirit within us, things in our family would have looked far different over the past 9 months! The miraculous strength of Jesus has carried me. Any strength that has been displayed in me has only been a reflection of Jesus's supernatural strength that He so graciously gives to those who are His. If we attempt to be strong on our own, we will fall! My hope is that Jesus would be your strength; that any attempt of being strong on your own would be pushed aside and that you would CLING to the hope you have in Jesus. His strength is sufficient! Ephesians 6:10 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might."

Suffering well can only be done in the power of the Spirit! Crying out to the Lord in sobs of confusion and pain can be honoring to Him. I have sobbed and sobbed a lot, and I have been angry, and I have asked WHY?! many times. I have read Psalms over and over and seen that it is totally ok to pour out all of my emotions before the God of the universe. He cares deeply and assures us that this road will not be walked alone. At the end of the day though, I have to trust that God is in absolute control. He is not shocked that we have lost 2 babies is the past 9 months. He is writing this story for our family, and He is working all things together for His glory and our good.

Many of you have asked how Lizzie and Lainie are doing, and I have to tell you that their childlike faith has brought me great joy and hope (for this reason and many others, we have named our most recent baby Hope). These girls are an absolute gift and this Thanksgiving, my thankfulness for them is immense!

Please pray for our family as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach. This time last year I was prepping a Thanksgiving name game to reveal Charlotte Jane's name to our families as well as the fun that you blog followers joined us in for our blog name game! I know that there will be triggers that cause me to erupt in tears unexpectedly (like typing this right now); please pray that I would honor Christ in these moments and be directed straight back to Him.

Thanks for walking with us. Community has been one of the richest blessings this year. We are thankful for you!

October

October was a busy month with a lot of memories made. Here is the month in review through pictures! LOTS OF PICTURES!

October 2nd, my cousin Ryan was married to his bride, Danielle. We spent the weekend in The Woodlands to help them celebrate. Elizabeth had the honor of being a flower girl, and she did a great job, even after a series of crazy events including a nasty 3 inch curling iron burn on her forearm!

It was a great time for taking pictures, and we took plenty!

We busted out the warm jammers! And... Lainie is sleeping in her big girl bed at night! These girls are enjoying sharing a room; I love to listen in on their before bed conversations and singing. I pray that God would continue to cultivate a precious relationship between them.

After a couple of weeks of utilizing my good ol' drying rack, I was blessed by a brand new awesome dishwasher!

Lizzie can count to 100:)

We went to the Shrine Circus with Nana and PawPaw and Granny and Grandaddy. The girls loved it!!!!

We had a great time at the Fort Worth Zoo with the Crawford Kids and the Patterson Kids. (More pics coming... they are trapped on my smaller camera for which I cannot find it's USB cord)
Lizzie had Western Day at Preschool. She was super-cute in her awesome bling shirt that Grammy made, her new shiny belt, and her boots she bought with her birthday money! Oh, I love this little cowgirl! Though she was apprehensive about riding the pony, she did it and even had a smile on her face:)

Mary Harris Intermediate held their official ribbon cutting ceremony. Mom was honored, and it was a very special night with many of her former teachers and friends and family in attendance.

Amoriyah is stinkin' cute!

We had a great time at the Pumpkin Patch! The girls and I went once with some friends and then we all went as a family.

Costumes were worn by the girls... Elizabeth was a butterfly fairy princess and Elaine was a Barbie. Between Lizzie's preschool (Where Aunt Kristie made and appearance), Justin's office party, CityView's event, and trick or treating in our neighborhood, the candy loot is INSANE!

Overall a fun month! Thankful for all of the memories we have made together as a family!