Charlotte Jane would have been ten months old had she been here to celebrate Christmas with our family this year; instead she celebrated face to face with Jesus! Oh we missed our girl terribly, but there was a sweet peace and great comfort for our family this season. Thank you for the many reminders that you were praying for us this month, as it was especially tough.The moments that I suspected to be hard actually weren't compared to the little things that hit me unexpectedly and brought forth very raw emotional responses. As our family of four stood in the front row at CityView on Christmas Eve singing about our newborn King, I lost it. I didn't want it to just be the four of us. I wanted Charlotte on my hip cooing to Jesus the way 10 month olds do. However, I sang without her in my arms but with great Hope within that because of our Savior's birth, singing Christmas carols with the Body of Christ is but a reflection of eternity! O Glorious Day!
At the cemetery this month it was an absolutely gorgeous day! Justin and the girls couldn't help themselves and had to have races in the sunshine. Although this is probably not proper etiquette, I think it honored Charlotte's life. The freedom in their laughter and the joy in their footsteps was just what this momma needed. Again the theme of Hope has been carried out through Elizabeth and Elaine. If you could hear the songs that Elizabeth makes up, they are precious and always about how good and everlasting and trustworthy our God is. Lizzie sweetly was counting members of our family recently and told me that I am the mommy of four children. She named off herself, Elaine, Charlotte and Hope. I am glad we haven't tried to hide anything from Elizabeth, God is pursuing her four year old heart. Elaine, my love, is constantly pointing out pictures of Charlotte and bringing to mind her things; she is always quick to say, "and Charlotte is with Jesus." I am glad we haven't hidden anything from Elaine; God is pursuing her two year old heart.
December has been hard. 2010 has been hard. I have grieved a lot this month especially over the emptiness I have without Charlotte. More than that though, I have grieved over the brokenness of this world. I have been face to face this year with trials of my own, struggles of friends, and challenges of family members. I want so badly to put a bookend on 2010 and say, "I'm DONE with you! Bring me the ease of 2011!" However, I know all too well that is not the life to which I or any other follower of Jesus has been called. I am thankful for the intense longing that 2010 has left with me to shout out with great anticipation, "Come LORD Jesus, Come!" My prayer is that whatever the next years of my life hold, may I maintain that desire to see Jesus face to face while redeeming the time He has given me here as His ambassador. It is a privilege to be His.
