Nope, no cute pictures of my girls dressed up for one of the most fun days at preschool. Not today. Instead, confessions of my heart and what God is teaching me today.
Pirate Day has been on the calendar since the first of the school year. One of my favorite things about where the girls go to school is all of the fun dress up days infused with greater purpose throughout the year. Pirate Day in particular is special, because they are talking about how God is their GREATEST treasure and giving change they have collected for
http://givebread.org to emphasize that we are called to share our blessing with others. What a fun day, right?!
Yesterday, Lizzie got out her sketch pad and drew out pirate outfits for both Lainie and herself. We had everything we needed, so outfits were laid out and I had requests for bandannas and a Pixie Dust Pouch for Lainie. Last night we were at some friends' house until late, but when we got home, I sat down and crafted a Pixie Dust Pouch and two bandannas to coordinate with the girls' outfits.
Then, there was a bit of sleep. Lainie wound up in our bed with her head on my pillow and her feet on Justin's. Liv was off because we were out late, so she was up 3 times in the night. My alarm had little meaning to me at 6:30. When my bleary eyes finally were able to focus around 7:45, Justin couldn't find his phone and Lainie had awoken and put on her pink tshirt with a pair of red leggings that were not even close to appropriate and painfully clashing! Lizzie was dressed:) I got everyone fed (by fed I mean a bowl of cereal and a bowl of instant oatmeal... no fancy organic eggs or cute pirate ship waffles today), lunches made, and attempted to convince Lainie to change pants- strike! By then it was 8:30 and time to quickly fix hair. I tied Lizzie's purple shimmery bandanna on, and oh she looked ADORABLE! She ran to the bathroom mirror to check herself out, only to begin crying and rip off the bandanna sobbing that she looked silly! There was no convincing her. One bandanna wasted. No fancy jewelry. Nothing that resembled a pirate about my big girl. Then I fixed Lainie's hair and bandanna which was precious on her, and she seemed ok about it. By now it is 8:45 and we needed to be gone 5 minutes ago. Upon putting on her boots, Lainie then decided she would like to change into different pants. Boots off, pants changed. Now Lainie doesn't like that pair of boots, the next pair doesn't feel right and still another pair is ugly, oh and somewhere in there she had removed her cute bandanna. This was when I lost it. SERIOUSLY?! I was angry! I threatened to not take them to school, all the while knowing that would not be a reasonable solution. We finally made it to the car with Lainie wearing one Dora croc and looking nothing like a pirate. I was so mad. I had worked so hard and they didn't even seem to care! Lizzie and Lainie giggled in the back of the car while I fumed. I prayed asking God to reveal my sin and the root of my anger, because we all know I wasn't angry because my daughters wouldn't wear the bandannas I had made. We seemed to hit EVERY light on the way to school, and I reminded them that it was their poor choices this morning that were causing us to be late. Finally a light or two before school, I turned around and apologized. I looked Lizzie in the eye and said, "I love you way more than a silly bandanna."I looked Lainie in the eye and said, "I love you Lainie! Way more than Pirate Day, I love you!" At drop off there were some amazingly cute little pirates in both of the girls classes, but there was also a mom who was relieved that Lizzie wasn't dressed as a pirate, because they had a morning similar to ours. I gave extra hugs and reminded the girls that even when they hurt my feelings and frustrate me I love them like crazy!
When I finally got in the car to drive home, I said, "Seriously God?! What is wrong with me?! I got all bent out of shape about boots and bandannas and Pirate Day?!" He brought to mind what today was supposed to be all about for the girls, Matthew 6:21 "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." What have I been pouring my affections in to? Truth be told, I wanted to be super mom with precious little pirates to take sweet pictures of today. My treasure would have been the words from other moms or teachers telling me what cute outfits we had come up with and how creative we were. My treasure would have been in little girls who thought their mommy was the best because she made them really awesome bandannas that coordinated with their outfits. My treasure would have been in a smooth morning and being punctual. My treasure would have been pathetic and frail. Instead, my treasure today is the grace in abundance that I have been given because of Jesus! There is forgiveness when I totally blow it as a mom!
The Lord has been taking me through a word study this week on the word Preeminent. Colossians 1:18 says, "And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent." While I was pretty sure I knew what preeminent meant, I researched a little to find that it means before the best, ahead of the most important, the highest in standing. Monday night he gave me the question, "Where is God not preeminent in my life?" I listed out a whole slew of things that were potential glory hogs in my life and possible idols, but today he clearly showed me that the approval of others still stands up and fights for first place in my life. It is ugly. I needed this morning to slap me around a little to get my attention!
Oh, thank you Lord that today did not go as I had planned. You alone are worthy of my highest affections!
