Hello and Goodbye

I had high hopes that this post would be introducing you to the newest member of Team Bassett, a little love growing inside me.  Instead, it is an introduction mixed with a farewell.  Miscarriage sucks. This sentiment was given to me by a dear friend who knows the process all too well, as I attempted to tie it up with a pretty bow after losing Hope.  She is right.  Losing a life before you even get to meet the little love, to hold him, to kiss her sweet head, it just isn't right.  It is a product of the fall, and it hurts.

On the night of our tenth anniversary, Justin and I knew that there was a fun surprise growing in my womb.  We giggled, a little in shock, and we dreamed, and we hoped.  For some reason, we both just had a feeling that this was going to be our boy!  What?!  The Bassetts specialize in girls!  I know, I know, but for some reason, we couldn't shake the idea of a boy and the name Judah, so we just went with it.  The name Judah means "Praised," and it was our hope that his life would cause God to be praised!  Even if it was a girl, this remained our hope, but I don't think we would have gone with Judith...

We surprised our girls with the news by putting baby's "footprint" in our driveway alongside their sweet hand prints.  The photo above was going to be our big reveal for our friends!  Our lovely little ladies were even chattering about how fun it would be if this baby was a boy and how exciting it would be to have a baby brother.  This was going to be crazy and awesome!

This time would also be different, because after four hospital births, we decided to use a midwife at a birth center.  I went in just to have my progesterone checked and felt so loved by sweet Donnellyn.  When she got the results of my progesterone, she called and shared with me that my levels were super low.  We increased my dose of Progessence Plus and prayed.

Friday night was a night I had been looking forward to for over a year.  My dear friend, Rachel, from A&M began the Sparrow Conference two years ago, and I have loved being a part of it through serving and counseling girls.  I arrived at the Village Campus in Dallas a little frazzled due to traffic and having to turn around to go back and get my Progessence Plus, but I quickly found friends, got checked in, and began ushering girls into the auditorium.  In the process, I shared my fun baby news with a couple of college friends who were quick to rejoice and get goose bumps with me.  It's no secret that our family has been slapped around over the past several years by loss, so the idea of new life breaking that cycle is precious!

After over 500 young women packed into the auditorium, I slipped into the men's restroom (for a women's conference, the men's bathroom becomes transformed into a ladies' room, even if it only has one stall and two urinals).  It was there, in the stupid men's bathroom, that I saw blood, a pregnant woman's worst nightmare.  I took a few deep breaths, held it together and returned to my seat for worship.   I could not tell you a single song we sang.  I can tell you that I cried, a lot.  My heart ached.  My soul was met by the Comforter, and I felt free to cry.  I sat and listened to Kasey Van Norman walk through Galatians one and two, sharing pieces of her own story, and reminding us that the Gospel is so vast that it is light in terms of burden.  I sat there asking God how He wants to use this story of mine.  I didn't hear the how, but I was reassured that there is purpose in it ALL.  Kasey's words renewed hope that the day is coming when all of this shall be but a glimmer in the light of HIM and His glory, but for now it is a privilege to be int he fight and drawn to Him in the struggle! After she spoke, I slipped to the back to be available to pray with girls, knowing all the while, I needed prayer!  While many sweet girls came needing prayer, I was not needed, so I just got to sing out the words of the song Sovereign Over Us loudly, hands raised, claiming that Your plans are still to prosper, even in the valley You are faithful, You meet us in our mourning with a love that casts out fear, You are working for our good, You have not forgotten us...  Oh what perfect words for my wounded heart!  What kindness!

After helping a youth leader find a missing teenager, I slipped back into the bathroom, hoping for reprieve, but only being reassured of my fear.  Upon my exit, I found Steph, one of those dear college friends who had just an hour before rejoiced with me over new life.  I shared that I was pretty sure I was miscarrying.  We found a couple of chairs in the back of the auditorium and just sat there crying and holding one another for a moment or two, and then she prayed.  Shortly after, Rachel spotted us and joined our prayers, and then my sweet Kristie.  These are women I have known intimately for twelve to fourteen years but only see now on occasion; it truly was kind of God to have me among these sisters to love on me.   While they all were concerned for me to make the drive back to Rhome solo, I knew I needed that alone car time with the Lord.

As I drove home, my girls' Seeds Family Worship CD was playing.   So much truth was being sung over my aching heart and my spinning head.  All of it was good and appropriate, but it didn't soften the blow.  In fact, in some ways it amplified it.  God, this does not feel like love.  God, when is enough, enough?  God, is loss always going to be my story? God, I don't like this theme!   The ache began giving way to fear, but the Holy Spirit kindly stopped me with truth.  Perfect love casts out all fear.  Rather than spiraling into fear, His love enveloped me.  Never once, in the pain of life, have I lacked His presence and His tangible love.  He has never failed, and He certainly will not begin to now.

I arrived home and just fell into my sweet hubby's arms.  He is such a gift.  He knows how to love me, to pray for me, to just be by my side.  We went to bed. I tossed and turned all night.  I woke to my sweet baby girls surprised to see me (we just told them I wasn't feeling well), and y'all their snuggles are the best medicine I can imagine.  Knowing I wasn't feeling well, they were just so extra sweet.  Justin whisked away the girls for a Fuzzy's brunch followed by a birthday party, leaving me alone to rest (midwife's orders), and just be with Jesus.  I did a lot of sitting, and then I picked up my Sally Clarkson book I have been waiting to read, Own Your Life.  Reading Sally is like sitting down to talk with my sweet Momma- so refreshing!  I pulled out my journal, because there were too many good things that just needed to be written down. (Side note, Kasey VanNorman's philosophy on journaling is hilarious, and I will have to share it with you sometime!)  As I wrote out Romans 8:28 for the bajillionth time, the word TOGETHER stared me down, probably because Sally was talking so much about our lives being giant puzzles.  I don't have to call this heartbreaking loss of life good, but it is a piece of the WHOLE GOOD that is in PROCESS.  Whew.  I want to see it.  I want to know NOW HOW He is going to use it.  That isn't in the cards though.  Instead, I have to face the ugly of the coming days, in faith that God keeps His promises, trusting that this isn't without purpose, believing that He is still and always will be a Good Good Father.

Will you join me in praying for our girls?  Justin and I HATE that we have had to share so many pieces of heartbreaking news with our lovelies over the past several years.  It certainly has been an exercise of our faith to believe that just as God meets us in our pain and tends to us uniquely, He does the same with my baby girls.  I have seen Him do it over and over and over, and I know He surely will do it again,  but that doesn't make it easy, just doable.  Holding my oldest beauty in my arms as tears stream down her cheeks, trying to discern the quiet of my middle love, and answering the question, "When will I get to be a big sister?" from my littlest sweet one are some of the most heart wrenching moments of motherhood.  I hate not being able to fix it. I hate not being able to figure it out.  I hate not having an answer.  For last night, the bandaids of America's Funniest Home Videos and Daddy's impromptu convenient store ice cream run were applied.  Before bed, more tears and lots of prayers.  Oh, God, I know this is part of their puzzles too.  I trust you.

So, here we are.  Thanks for journeying with us.  Thank you for fighting for our joy before the throne of God.  Your presence, your words, your acts of service are all beautiful gifts to our family.

With love,
Team Bassett

PS- Friday night was the first time I heard the song Sovereign Over Us.  Since then it has been on constant repeat.  You should definitely check it out.  My favorite version is linked above and is by a girl named Kathryn Scott.  A special thanks to Kristie for helping me find it!

Charlotte Jane FIVE years!

It is unbelievable.  It has been FIVE years since I first met and said goodbye to my precious Charlotte Jane.  This year was no different from years past.  We celebrated.  We grieved.  We wondered.  We laughed.  We worshiped.  We marveled.  According to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus, my God supplied our every need, even those needs we didn't even know that we had!  

As I woke on February 10, with a busy day ahead of me, God kindly put the song Good Good Father in my heart, and I sang it ALL DAY LONG.  Every time I would recall the day Charlotte was born, I was reminded how moment by moment, my Good Good Father was displaying His love for me.  I also love how there are little things that still take me back to that day, because remembering is so good for my heart.  Anything that reminds me of my baby girl, who I don't get to hold, is a sweet gift to my soul.  
Here are just a few things that have CJ written all over them... 

The air mattress.  For the weeks leading up to Charlotte's birth, I was incredibly uncomfortable due to the four times extra amniotic fluid I was carrying.  I was up and down all night long, walking around, always changing positions, so I moved to the living room on the air mattress, which for some reason was better than the bed.  Just hours before my girl was born, I folded up the air mattress to move to Momma and Daddy's house to brace for the impending snow storm and be close to the hospital.  I still remember that day every time I get out or put away the air mattress.

Winter White Cool Lotion.  What? You haven't heard of it?  I think Bath and Body only carried it during Christmas 2009, and I bought it on clearance after the holiday.  During our time in the NICU, I washed my hands incessantly, and therefore they were incredibly dry.  Every time we got home from the hospital, I would lather up in my Winter White Cool lotion that was by the kitchen sink.  The unique smell of this lotion takes me right back to that place.  This bottle of lotion comes out for the month of February every year, and its aroma floods my mind with memories of my baby girl.

Tulips.  We are not fancy people.  I have always been a tulip or gerber daisy girl vs a rose girl.  The thought of all kinds of gaudy flower arrangements coming our way didn't thrill us, and it just didn't seem like an appropriate tribute to our girl.  We asked instead for people to bring tulips to Charlotte's memorial service if they wanted to provide flowers.  It could not have been more perfect.  My amazing friends arranged them to look so beautiful, and now fresh tulips sing, "Charlotte Jane!"

Butterflies.  Since Lizzie's first Christmas, Justin has adopted the tradition of gifting the girls a pretty dress to open Christmas morning.  The Bassett girls have the gift of a hubby and daddy who is a graphic designer, and thus, he has great taste!  Christmas 2009 followed suit, and Justin gave Lizzie and Lainie adorable butterfly dresses from Gymboree which they wore to the memorial service.  They also received the identical butterfly jackets from sweet family friends which they wore to the graveside.  Then, a precious friend mailed the girls a package when Charlotte was born that was saturated in butterfly stickers.  I eventually placed a butterfly sticker representing each of my five babies on my mirror and thought of the two I never really knew often.  Not to mention Butterfly Way was the home where we hoped to bring home our baby girl.  Several months ago, a friend new to my story was moved to purchase me a precious figurine representing Charlotte, complete with Butterfly wings.  Butterflies have always been a symbol of God doing something new, a fresh freedom, if you will.  In case you don't know, Charlotte means FREE man!  What a sweet reminder of my girl and the absolute FREEDOM she knows.

There are a million other triggers that take me back and remind me of my lovely Charlie Jane, and I am so thankful!  Having walked this road very openly over the past five years, I am beyond thankful that I have pressed on, allowing myself to feel the depths and heights of emotions.  I know that many days the idea of trying to forget seemed easier than pressing on and letting myself remember.  However, being here, today, I cannot imagine life without Charlotte being frequently on Justin's lips and my lips and the lips of her sisters.  Charlotte's life has spurred our family on to know Jesus more fully and to long for that Glorious Day when we will know Him completely, just as we are known by him.  What a good gift from a Good Father by whom we are loved.

Last night a group of dear friends gathered with me to celebrate Charlotte.  This is her fifth birthday, and this is the fifth year that we have eaten pink cake and laughed and cried and been refreshed by the Holy Spirit through one another in this setting.  As things wrapped up last night, I praised God for these friends commitment to me and my girl, and I recognized the healing that comes through the gathering of His saints. 

Febloguary 2015 Post 1- How are You?

I'm back!  I had hoped that after the fun of Febloguary 2014, I would be more committed to writing more frequently.  Here's the reality though, LIFE.  It happens, and it is full, and I have to sleep sometimes.  However, I am committed to losing sleep in the month of February to post more and scratch my writing itch.  My goal is ten blogs this month.  Here is what you can expect, in no particular order:

1. How are you?
2. TEN years!
3. Lizzie Grace
4. Lainie Karis
5. Charlotte Jane
6. Olivia Rae
7. Daddy
8. Life in Rhome
9. Sending Well
10. Church

Uh oh... as I typed that list, a whole slew of other topics I want to write about came up.  Maybe you will get a bonus post or two, and maybe just maybe we will stretch into March, since I am kinda getting a late start!

Today, I want to answer the question I get so often, "How are you?!"  It is a rather simple question that I so appreciate people asking.  It has a variety of answers I have banked, depending on the situation.  Since time is not limited here, and I hope to be vulnerable, I will do my best to give you a full on "State of My Heart" address.

After losing Momma at the age of 30, I was certain that 31 would be way better.  As most of you know, we were shocked at Daddy's sudden death in September.  So much for 31 being easier, or more peaceful, or less stressful, or any of that.  I have certainly been slapped around by life in the past several months!

Recently I was driving and praying about a specific situation that has just been all around hard.  I found myself asking God to make it easy, like it used to be.  Then I clearly heard Him remind me that He rarely accomplishes great things through ease or comfort.  He swirled story after story through my head of Him moving mountains, all of which included great struggle, heartache, brokenness and pain. The culmination of these stories was the crucifixion.  My salvation was not secured by a painless life of Jesus.  Rather, it was through His pain and suffering and His passionate choice to take the hard road of death on the cross that LIFE is extended to mankind.  When we engage in the complicated situations that come our way and commit to stay in the fight rather than running, God is honored.  It is also in these places I find myself begging for MORE of Him and pleading for His wisdom in exchange for my feeble attempts of resolve.

All of that to say, here is where I find myself.  The shock of Daddy's passing has still not worn off.  He is still a speed dial option on my phone, I still think he will walk around the corner at Granny's house, I expect him to show up at the girls' activities, I have a list of questions that I want to ask him and stories I want to tell him.  It is crazy.  It is hard.  It still hurts. A LOT.  BUT, GOD IS STILL GOOD.  Here in the ugly cries and the dark days and the heartbreak, I see more of His goodness than ever.  {All of this was written before I watched Jen Hatmaker this weekend at the IF:gathering.}  She so clearly stated what Justin and I have so often said. "You want it to be true in the day (God's goodness), but you find out if it's true in the night. He is good.  I would venture to say He is even better when it's bad. He's so good."  This is so true.

The reality is, IT IS HARD.  The reality is also, IT IS GOOD.  They go hand in hand.  Don't try to wrap your mind around it, because I do believe it is one of those things that only works out in God's economy.  It just doesn't make sense that here I stand, having lost greatly in the past five years, proclaiming the kindness of my God, but I promise you, after all that has been lost, the great gain of knowing His kindness more intimately WINS.  It is well with my soul.

Febloguary Day 17 (I think I like this...)

(Photo from Aunt Cheryl and Uncle Trey's Ranch House in South Texas)

Well, the sun has set on Feblogaury.  If February wasn't the runt month, I may have squeezed out those last few blogs to reach my goal of 20.  I'm feeling really good about 17 though!  I am excited that I now have 17 posts that I did not have before, words that convey my heart and reflect my life actually written out.  I have had a blast writing y'all, and I am so grateful for the encouragement I have received from those who are reading.  Just the fact that you take the time to read is a gift, much less the kind words you have shared that spur me on!  I will say though, in the words of my Poppie , "My tired hurts!"  I have got to figure out a way to do this without the midnight bedtime.  Yes, that means I am going to continue writing often, but probably not quite so frequently.  I still have plenty to talk about, so  I'm back to stay blog world!  For now though, I say, "Nighty night!"

Febloguary Day 16 (Thirty-Onederful!)

After my last post, I want to thank you for all of the kind messages I have received , especially those of you who are praying with me that 31 will be a good year for me!  A friend mentioned in a birthday message that she knew someone who referred to "31" as "thirty-onederful", and I LOVE that!

I must say that my birthday this year rocked!  My precious friend Abby came in town Friday morning and stayed through the weekend. My girls spent the weekend with Grammy and Pop, so I just got to enjoy my hubby and hang out with Abby lots!  Friday night the three of us had the most interesting experience at Cheddar's.  I'm not sure if our server was on something or off his meds, but it really felt like we were on Candid Camera and we got a lot of laughs out of our unique dining experience.  Saturday provided incredible weather!  We milked it.  After a baby shower for my friend Andrea that morning, Abby and I headed to West 7th to enjoy the day.  We began at the Food Park which was so much fun!  If you haven't been, you should really check it out this spring!  We ate something called Texas Trash, and it was delightful.  We lingered there long after we had finished eating and just chatted about life like we did so many afternoons in 2012 while our little ladies played together in the front yard.  We left there just a bit "hipper" than when we arrived,  and on the order of Justin, we embarked on the task of finding me a new pair of jeans.  Our first stop was Marshall's, and after trying on several pair, I found a pair of Express jeans that fit well and didn't have any obvious design flaws, score!  From there we went to Sweet Sammies.  If you have never been,  you MUST GO!  This is my third birthday in a row to include this treat in my celebrations.  It's amazing.  Again, we sat outside and talked, and talked, and talked some more, so much that we outlasted our 90 minute parking garage validation.  We were informed we would have to spend $20 to get out of the garage, so we ventured into Aveda where we browsed and they kindly added time to our validation.:)  By the time we got home Justin was back from selling a goat, and we all just hung out and talked.  Abby was tired and headed to "The Stepter Suites" for bed. (Rebecca really does hospitality well!)   Justin and I headed to On The Border for $1 Margarita Day, only to be greeted by a 1.5 hour wait time!  We walked down to Chili's where the wait was still almost an hour at 9:30 at night.  Despite our better judgement, we ended up at Macaroni Grill where we played a few games of hangman and laughed a lot.  Then we devoured pasta and were almost immediately miserable, as our gluten tolerance has diminished greatly in the past year!  Regardless, a date with my man was so good and much needed!

Sunday morning, I slept in. No alarm.  No little loves needing my assistance.  No agenda.  Happy Birthday to ME!  While Justin took care of the goats, I happily headed to the Donut shop to find my perfect sprinkle donut, a birthday tradition.  They were out, but the sweet lady made me one right there on the spot!:)  I decided I wanted a Cherry Sprite too, because I was pretending to be 13 instead of 31.  I went to Sonic, as I thought they had 99cent drinks until 11:00, but they had recently changed it to 10:00, and it was 10:15.  I am cheap, so I left and went across the street to 7-eleven for my 99cent Shriley Temple Big Gulp.  I got home and took a long bath with my essential oil bath salts and a Sally Clarkson book in hand.  When I got out, I was greeted by my 13th "Happy Birthday Angela" mix from Justin on my phone; he loves me well.  I leisurely got ready and even took the time to take the 2 week old nail polish off of my fingernails, now that's a luxury!  Abby and Rebecca picked me up for lunch, and we met Taber at Panera.  While it was slightly  very windy, we sat outside and enjoyed the sunshine and good conversation.  After hearing about me not having a cake for my 30th, Abby was determined to NOT let that happen and brought the cutest little cake for us to share and celebrate with!  This time together was so sweet and I felt so loved.

From there Abby and I met up with Justin and headed to Arlington to meet my girls, Grammy and Pop, and Daddy for an early dinner at Fish City Grill.   Oh how I love my little ladies!  After a weekend without them, I needed those hugs and snuggles!  Dinner was delicious, and guess what?!  I wisely a week before had told Justin about how bummed I was to not have a cake last year.  I knew it wasn't his fault, but I also knew he had to know that was my desire, or I would end up disappointed once again.  He turned cake duty over to his mom and the girls, and I had a delicious cake made by my little loves!  THANK YOU!  When I first entered marriage there was some strange rule in my head that if I asked for something from Justin and then he provided it, it wasn't as valuable as if he just knew what I needed and gave it to me.  While I suppose that happens from time to time, I have learned that it is so healthy to just ASK!  He LOVES to serve me and DESIRES to provide for my wants and needs; however, I have to communicate what those wants and needs are.  Life is so much better when we aren't living on assumptions!  From there I hugged Abby and sent her off to the airport, thankful for a friend who will use her airline miles to come in for just a few days to make me feel super loved! (Abby and fam get their own post soon!)

On our way home there was a beautiful display of God's splendor in the sky.  I just couldn't get enough of it!  What a sweet reminder of a new year and the promise that His love never fails!
When we arrived home, I had the BEST birthday post ever on Facebook, if you didn't see it, you should definitely go check it out!!  My dear friend Keri created an International Happy Birthday video for me, starring all of her friends at the training where her family currently is.  I watched it multiple times.  I cried every time.  These friends really are precious.

After that, my crew put their finishing touches on my gifts, and presented me with sweet treasures.  Photos and Frames and Handmade Art are pretty much the BEST!  I also got a new cute pair of running shoes, which I guess means I need to run more at 31 than I did at 30 (hmm... maybe 10 miles total?!).  That right there will surely make this year "thirty-onderful"!  The night was capped off by lots of crazy attempts of selfies with the Bigs.  Oh, how I adore my crew.  It is such a blessing to be Mommy of Team Bassett; I am well loved.

All in all, 31 is definitely off to a better start than 30.  I am already seeing the Lord restoring brokenness, using pain to bring about beauty, and encouraging the Body of Christ globally through our story.  I have great hope that this will be an exciting year for me as God opens new doors and I run with perseverance and in obedience this race He has marked out for me.

Febloguary Day 15 (How was 30?)

(note: I began this post on the 23rd, my birthday.  However, it was pretty hard to write, so I had to step away from it for a couple of days.)

It's official!  I am 31 years old today!  I WELCOME this new year with OPEN ARMS, because to be honest, 30 kinda stunk.  That is NOT to say that there weren't amazing things that happened in the past 12 months, but when my friend, Abby, asked me last night, "So how was 30?" I had to reply honestly.

This time last year, I was standing in my kitchen bawling.  I had received texts, Facebook messages, and phone calls.  My family had treated me like a queen in the week leading up to my birthday.  We had gone to dinner with extended family.  I had received gifts of many kinds.  But my heart hurt.  My life was in a period of transition.  Everything seemed to be changing, and my expectations of what life should look like at 30 were turned on their head.  The solid group of friends that I had been walking with for the past 6 years had changed drastically as our family walked in obedience to worship with another community on the weekends, then we had sent our dear friends, the Raneys, to Oregon in December, and we had sent our precious neighbors, the Mullins Family, to Kentucky in December as well.  On what I anticipated to be a fun day of celebration, I actually mourned the absence of these sweet friends.  I also was hit with the reality that our reservations at dinner were for one less than I had thought.  Momma had reached the point where she was not able to meet us for dinner anymore.  She would not be taking me birthday shopping either, and I didn't get a good morning wake up call with her singing "Happy Birthday" to me.  Lastly, my thirtieth birthday had come and gone without a cake, as that was typically the task of Momma.  It was a really crummy start to thirty, and missing friends and missing Momma were often the themes of my life as a 30 year old.

Highs and Lows of 30:
(some of these will be their own posts soon!)
-No cake and lots of tears.
-First Camping Trip as Team Bassett- COLD, but super fun!
-First Seder Meal  
-Called to Adopt
-Celebrating Charlotte at the Mother's Milk Bank
-Smile from Momma on Mother's Day
-First Goat Show 
-Bassett Girls' Beach Trip 
-Got my Nose Pierced
-Date Nights with the Campbells
-8 States in 8 Days!  Journey to Louisville and back to see the Mullins crew
-Alumni Council for Phi Lamb
-Painting with Momma
-Austin Trip and the BEST Donut of my Life
-Cooked my First Whole Chicken
-Second year to Tutor Classical Conversations
-Hosted my First Slumber Party for Lizzie's 7th birthday
-Began Truthful Tuesday Posts
-My First Visit to the State Fair
-Second Year to Help with the Sparrow Conference
-New Mexico Trip
-Hot Air Balloon Festival
-Mosier Family Visits
-Began using Young Living
-Raneys Came to Visit
-Motor on Washing Machine Quit Working
-Gifted a Washing Machine From a Friend's Uncle Getting Rid of His Old One
-Fuzzy's Life Group
-Meeting with Dr. about the future for Momma
-Last Days by Momma's side despite Icy roads to get there
-Momma's last breath
-Transmission Went Out on the Car
-Momma's Memorial Service
-Sending the Campbells to Training
-First Goat Show at the FW Stock Show for our Family
-Began the Jesus Project
-Snow for Charlotte's Birthday Party
-Finished 1,000 Gifts
-Got My Car Back from the Shop for Valentine's Day
-First Trip to the Perot Museum
-Abby Came to CELEBRATE

By God's kindness, as I type this list and look at all of these photos, I see that there really were A LOT of great things in my life over the past 12 months, but most of them were accompanied by an undercurrent of loss.  There was a lot of me wishing I could share these events or experiences with Momma or friends who were absent.  There was a lot of me fighting to believe truth as the enemy whispered otherwise.  There was a lot of me fighting for truth when the enemy BLATANTLY stood against me.  The past year has been an all out war, but guess what?!  My God has been faithful!  Nothing formed against me has stood.  I have clung to His promises.  The God of the Universe has loved me well and revealed more of His goodness toward me in the darkness of this year.  I praise Him more because of this year.  Maybe 30 wasn't so bad after all.

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Here are a few songs that have been extra special to me this year.

Whom Shall I Fear

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Nothing is Wasted

Though You Slay Me

Oceans