Olivia 3 Months

Our sweet baby girl is such a joy!  I am convinced that there is little better than listening to her coos and giggles and receiving a HUGE smile in response to seeing my face.  Liv is content and happy most of the time; she definitely wins our most chill baby award!
We still haven't quite reached a consistent sleeping pattern at night.  Liv has gone as long as12 hours, but lately she has been waking a couple of times in the night to sneak some extra calories:)  During the day Olivia does well eating every 3 hours and being awake for an hour+ and then sleeping until her next feeding.  In the spit up arena, Olivia falls somewhere in between Lizzie (practically none) and Lainie (did anything stay down?).  I have started putting a bib on her to avoid outfit changes.
Olivia is content to lay and play on her activity mat or to snuggle in someones arms.  Her anger does show itself though when you dare to place her on her belly.  Tummy time is for the snakes!  I'm in no hurry for this sweet one to crawl and such, so I don't force the issue:)
The hymn I sing over Olivia before each nap is Great is Thy Faithfulness.  I feel so incredibly blessed by the gift of Olivia Rae.  God has faithfully carried our family, and I celebrate the daily mercies He has granted us through our baby girl.  We love you so!

JOY

 A gift to my heart, this special LOVE!

You people!  Stop with all that sugar!

Toys, Mouth, Check.

 Tired of partying... 

And now for my Gymboree Model's Photo Shoot:)

 Lizzie was a great assistant!

 smirk

 Baby blues

 lots to say!

 slowly fading

 And we are done!

He Has Carried Them...

These girls amaze me!

Thankful for this amazing man who leads our family well!

We took CJ a pinwheel today.  

Lovie Bear and Charlie's "sissy kisses" lovie got to got to the cemetery too.

It is such a privilege to be the mommy of ALL of my girls! 

(yes, I know...Liv needs some neck strengthening before wearing a bow of this magnitude:)

Two years ago, my biggest fear was for Lizzie and Lainie.  I knew that Justin and I would be ok.  We were hurting, but we knew God would carry us.  We could embrace Truth.  My girls, however, were 3and a half and 20 months, how could they possibly understand?

I still remember sitting at the doughnut shop and telling Lizzie that Charlotte would not be coming home to our house.  Lizzie, with tears in her eyes said, "Never?!"  I lost it.  With Lizzie in my lap, she and I both wept.  Our hearts ached together for the baby that we longed for!  Lainie then proceeded to pick up her entire sprinkle doughnut with her teeth and get a good laugh out of us all.  Whew, just what we needed!  Tears accompanied by laughter.

This spectrum of emotions has been felt in our home over the past two years.  Just as God has tenderly carried Justin and me, he has carried my girls through moments of deep sorrow coupled with moments of refreshing hope.  This is an area where I have had to let go.  I want to be  in control of Elizabeth and Elaine's hearts, but I'm not. Only God works on hearts.  I want to protect my sweet girls, but I can't.  Only God can protect.  I want to control my girls' little worlds, but I am unable.  Only God is in control!  Instead of providing a world where everything is always perfect and we pretend that our hearts don't hurt, my role is to guide my girls in Truth, pray for them, walk in a manner that points them to Jesus, and to entrust them to our faithful God.  This is so hard for me, but over the past two years I have seen how near the Father has been to my Lizzie and Lainie.  He has proven himself so faithful!  He is chasing after their hearts, and I have the privilege of seeing it.  Oh I cannot wait for the days when their hearts are captured by His pursuit! 

The talk about Heaven in our home is frequent.  God is weaving a precious eternal perspective into the fabric of our family.  We are learning to hold things very loosely, knowing that this life is NOT the end!  We have HOPE!!! Our girls speak about Charlotte and Hope being with Jesus often.  Death has lost its sting!  Last night we talked about Charlotte's home in Heaven and our future home with Jesus!  We sang O Glorious Day and danced and laughed and rejoiced!  Lizzie asked how we can be sure this is real, referring to the words of the song.  We pointed her to the Bible and God's promises about eternity.  I pray that God will write His Word on her heart as Truth that is far better than a fairy tale.

Though the past two years have been painful and never what we would have chosen for our family, our good God has been magnified in the way he has carried Elizabeth Grace and Elaine Karis.  I anticipate God using their stories, including Charlotte's life and death, in precious ways to further His Kingdom here on earth.  My faith has been strengthened beyond measure because of the manner in which God has tended to the specific needs of my sweet girls.  He is true to His promises.  He has carried them,

Charlotte Jane, after 2 years

 Happy Birthday Charlie Jane!  We met our sweet girl 2 years ago tonight, a moment I will never forget.  While it was terribly frightening and overwhelming, it also was amazingly peaceful.  As a team of doctors worked to save our baby girl, I prayed and the Lord was so near.  Justin and I prayed and read Truth.  My mom and Taber arrived and waited with us.  Our God was there. He granted the peace that He promises.  His strength allowed us to breathe.
Two years later, that day is still so fresh.  A kiss on my baby girl's forehead.  Holding my husband's hand.  Embracing my momma and dear friend.  There was so much that was unknown that night, but the Holy Spirit granted me a quiet confidence. Our God does not change.  He is steady.  He is THE Rock.
Today was a sweet celebration of Charlotte's life and the One who spoke her life into being.  We had a great time as a family, enjoying a breakfast out.  An older man stopped by our table to tell us what a handsome family we have.  I smiled, thinking how much more handsome we would be if Charlotte was here.  I stopped at Walgreens to pick up pics of Charlie I had printed.  The photo tech tenderly asked to hear Charlotte's story.  I got to speak about God's faithfulness to this precious woman; Charlotte's impact continues.  Dear friends gathered with me for lunch together and some delicious strawberry cake!  Lainie and I snuggled and took a nap together (now that hasn't happened in a LONG time!).  Lizzie and I read together.  Liv and I got some good cuddle time.  We picked out balloons and had some nice time at the cemetery singing happy birthday to Charlotte and rejoicing over her life.  Our night concluded with Mexican food together as a family.
My heart still hurts, because I miss my little girl.  I wonder what she would be like!  Calm and reserved like Lizzie or spunky and spirited like Lainie?  What would life with four little ladies be like? What kind of birthday party would we have had for her?  How would life be different?  And the questions just keep going on and on. There are things that I do know though.  Charlotte Jane made an incredible impact on this world for the Kingdom of God.  Charlie's life was a powerful 7 days of the Lord pouring out his mercies upon His people.  Charlotte pointed us to Jesus. Grace upon Grace was granted to us through our daughter, Charlotte Jane.  We do not grieve as those who have no hope; no, because of Jesus, we look forward to that unfathomable day when death will be no more and we will experience eternal JOY!
Those quiet encouragements that the Holy Spirit assured me of the night Charlotte was born continue to carry me each day.   Our God does not change.  He is steady.  He is THE Rock.  I can stand on this side of two incredibly painful years and testify that these things are true!  Thank you Charlie Jane for teaching your momma so much.  Oh how we love you precious girl!

Here are some pics from our day together.